yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
