I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
