I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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