guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
