Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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