Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
