East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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