U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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