Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
