Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
