I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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