Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize