Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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