He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
