i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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