you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
