He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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