Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
