why didn't you poke me back
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
