Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think your dad took our porno
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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