I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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