I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
