Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
