Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize