He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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