Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
