we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
