You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want nice things and good sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
