It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
