the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
