well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
