Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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