Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I looked at my own cervix.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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