Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
