I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
