Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
