I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
