I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
