There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
