Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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