vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
