He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize