A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
