It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
