Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
