i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
