you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
