we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
