Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I want a musical about memes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
