I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
