My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
