we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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