I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
