god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
