I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
