While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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