he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
