you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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