Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They took my balls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
