Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
