i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
