My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think people are normalizing furries
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
