I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
