franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
