Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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