Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
