My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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