Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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